Backpack baby

Imagine you are have been given custody of a child for a short time. You have been tasked by the agency that within this time you are to prepare this baby for the biggest thing they will ever have to face.

Its called “Life!”

Let’s face it, you have experience in this. You are living testimonies, and have survived so far right.

Just for fun, and pure imagination.. You are tasked with equipping this baby so it’s ready, but you only have a short time and dont know how long you have it for, but you have to make it “ready” as much as you are able.

The backpack is a metaphorical one.

What advice would you give this baby in order to prepare it for “life? ”

What are the things you wished someone had told you, or that you wish you had listened to?

If you was to leave a legacy or a footprint in life, what would it be?

Tick tock! 🙂





I feel like a precious glass vase that somehow has a crack in it and holes, and that vase once full of one thing is now being filled with others – trying to be debt free,support myself and my family, trying to find “my Voice” my “identity” “my way”, trying to set up a digital lifestyle so I can “work on my terms”

what if anything do I have to say that’s of any value, and is there any point to these blogs  of mine- in fact what is my point? Have you ever felt like that?

I guess we all have our reasons for being on here but one way or another I feel we are all connected whether we know it yet or not.

I want to connect with those that feel unconnected or disconnected, the strugglers, the survivors, the success story tellers, the trying hard but missing the mark, the believers, the non non believers, the coffee and tea drinkers and everything inbetweeners.

This blog is to connect those that have been  wronged  and wronged others, for the raw, for the hurt-for the survivor. It offers a safe place to be true to one self.

Here is for the lost and the abandoned and forgotten. The prodigals,the searchers, the left behinders and back sliders.

This blog is for all who needs some one.

I feel like we are that missing piece to each others jigsaws.

For those that feel like they have crashed and burned, this a song by savage garden.

Have a good day.

“if you need to crash and burn you are not alone”


Thank you joypassiondesire  for allowing me to use the pic and your encouraging words:) and a special mention to A.P……

I love you guys, my wpbffs.

Inbox Insanity

I am looking in my inbox today, and in a way it’s great, as I never feel alone. when I look in this, a lot of people want my attention, I must be popular, right!

but then I look and it’s……….kinda overwhelming. There is so much trash in my life, and this is just one email address.  Oh my!

I want to press the the “delete all” button, but know I must sift through at some point and keep what is good and get rid of the trash.

As I am reflecting on this, it got me thinking that life is perhaps like this sometimes. We take on stuff, or sign up to stuff, and take on more and more and more stuff, and on top of this there is the life demands. I do not know how people cope? what are their strategies, I want in!

I want to scream “stop!” jump on a grey hound bus and say “see ya lata” and escape, or hail a “yellow taxi” in New York, or sail down the river in Paris, or drink fine coffee in Italy, do something crazy like a skinny dip in a cool pond, and then I shall return,


Maybe I can’t afford to escape in the physical, but in that moment all burdens were off, it felt amazing!

Thank you to those who follow me, and for likes, and being a part of this thing we call life.

#Together we can get through

#share your strategy.

#dream get aways

Have a great day:)


Travel light, travel in sight.

I would like to travel more and see the world more.

I wonder about the 7 wonders and wonder what’s worth wondering.

Pisa was nice and the pizza was nicer,


lean on me, when you are not strong – yep me outside this fine tower, walking up was monumental!

loved France very oo la la at the Moulin Rouge, nice show and ladies with large…..skirts, expensive perfume and croque madames.

Belgium had beers- cheers!

The Great Wall was indeed great,

Greece wasn’t at all greasy, Zante is a must!

Spain had me in pain scuba diving, but no rain as I ran for the land train,

Dubai was hot but the pools were cool,

went to Jamaica they have lots of plants, and crab racing to pass the time, that and rum punch, all good, all fine.

Denmark had bricks of multicolored lego, and porn on the tv, that made evenings more mellow, which I turned off, or more my mom did, good job as I was a young kid.

Went to Tunisia the waiters were funny, they would run to your tables for tips of money.

Poland was cheap, the flights were a penny, the parks had red squirrels, the bars they had plenty.

Went to Bulgaria skiing, that was great, got up early and stayed up late..

The Dominican Republic was quite divine, dined quite posh and sipped nice wine,

where to next, I will wait and see, but I need more freedom,

Yep travelling is for me.

Toxic TaT! Together Against Toxic.

Toxic What does that word mean to you, if anything?

This is a subject I wanted to talk about a while back, but was something I was struggling with myself.

Reading a few other peoples blogs however, this word keeps cropping up time and time again.

As a fan of quotes, I wanted to insert, a phrase I seem to be hearing alot:

“the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting different results” – I am not sure if I agree with this!

I think there are occasions in life where if you are persistent or persevere long enough, you can get a different result – not everyone will agree.

I have been thinking a lot about life recently, and I would love to get rid of the toxic things in my life. By toxic, I mean the things that either make my life hard or that I would be better without i.e not good for me, unhealthy, distractions, harmful etc.

In order to do this, I had to write a list of the so called “toxic” things in my life.

So these were a mixture of:

Thoughts….some times I can hold on to negative things that have been said to me or about me..this makes me sad, doubt myself and feel like, (fill in your own word) I no longer want to let those things or people have power over me.

Words…sometimes I can be filled with hate, or contempt for another. My own bitterness can cause toxicity. I do not want to be like that even if I do it in self preservation or protection, it’s not who I am. My words can be cruel and can hurt because I am hurting.

A phrase I heard recently rings true for me “hurt people – hurt people”

People.. Sometimes we need to realise who the toxic people are in our lives and how best to deal with them in a way that we are not victims or that they have authority over us.

Sometimes people may not realise the affect they have on us, even when well intentioned, and often these can be those closest to us. In their well intentions, they can still hurt thinking they know what’s best for us.

The most damaging phrase I had say to me was.. “I am saying this in love”

The word “love” itself has become toxic to me, and means things I would rather not go into. Some of you out there may be able to relate to what I’m saying.

Actions… This section is harder to write for me as it means being honest and vulnerable, but self harm is a huge thing for me. Most people may think self harm is cutting, but there is so much more to this.

Food for me is my thing, as I feel it’ s possibly the one thing I can control, so it means if I am in a bad place I will either over indulge or not eat.

Neglect of myself is another area I can often suffer from..

While depression can be a part of me I live with, I have to fight hard for it not to control me. This is a hard battle!

Some of my mindset has come from the damaging words and actions which have sunk in deep or play on repeat in my head.

Today I choose not to let ghosts of people past have that authority over me. (At least I will try)

In essence toxic can be anything in our life which is not good for us.

I am not saying it is easy to change and sometimes we need very drastic things to happen to get us to that point.

Don’t be afraid to get help.

Maybe if you are fed up and seeking a change, perhaps now is the time!

Let’s do this toxic journey together.

Let’s make today be the start of a new life, new start, no more toxic!

Life can be sweeter! Sweet things can “grow on trees” and yes I have tasted from this tree of life, and it was good!

Peace be with you.

centre parcs


Sea of life

Isnt’ it amazing how we can be having a good day or maybe an ok day.. Or a surviving day, but it can take just the smallest thing to send us into crisis mode? The sea of life can be cruel sometimes right!

Today for me it was an a moment at work, something unplanned happened and I had no time to prepare, and the conversation that followed just sent the rest of the evening into a blur.. Crazy right, is it just me this happens to? But it honestly sent me into a spiral for a while after.

I received a few unpleasant  text messages, which also had the same affect and both knocked me off balance. – Maybe “one of them days!”

Sometimes It feels like I am treading water just trying to keep my head above the waves yet when each incident such as this happens it feels like a huge tidal wave crashing.

I couldn’t help but think of one of my favorite actors known for many roles such as Mrs doubt fire, dead poets society, pop eye, good morning Vietnam, mork and mindy, jumanji, to name a few. This guy was known for his humor his smiles, zany ness, yet underneath he appeared quite the opposite. I wonder if Robin Williams ever felt misunderstood or that people were so reliant on him being so jovial he was never his true self around them?

Do you ever feel like you hide your true self from others?

There are days where I feel I have things “sorted” but it ends up being a cover for the truth.

Some days it’s a struggle, a battle to not give up and embrace the world, some days as much as I may want to… It’s like a huge mental/ physical wall that stops me.

My to do list gets ever longer, never seems to go down.

It’s amazing how we can fight one form of control yet still be controlled by another.!

As defeated as I would like to feel, and fighting is exhausting, I choose to continue to fight, for while we fight, it is a sign we are still alive!


Stay safe my friends. <><

P. S there was a photo of a chair in a previous blog. The waves were threatening to take it as it lay on the beach to rot.

I rescued it and polished it and gave it a home.


So got excited the other day at the news that mcdonalds had their monoply game out again. (that is my board right there!)

I began to get excited thinking of the large meals, and prizes we could win but the chance of winning the big prizes or just extra fries excites me.. but this is my guilty pleasure, and we all need guilty pleasures right? it’s like covert gambling with an excuse to eat more (sorry slimming world)

The thought of getting grand central station prize of…. 10% off a product oo exciting!

The lure of potentially winning and being a winner is appealing. I want to be a winner!

I notice that that our lottery is a double or triple roll over, that’s awesome, as I would love to win that. My mind boggles at what I would do with the money, a yacht, a holiday, what new friends I may have!

I would get a big house with cinema, games room, swimming pool and car, well cars, 4×4, a sports car, a city car, a van, I have always wanted a van, and be a van man, quad bike, speed boat……

This kinda got me thinking… What is it that makes us a winner, what does success look like, feel like?

It is possible have never experienced what it is to be successful or a winner.

I think I won a running race when I was about 6, and I got a swimming medal once… Wow I felt on top of the world, maybe that’s what being a winner feels like, that rush that glow!

But then does it matter if we are not a winner? Is life about winning and losing or is it about surviving?

Is life perhaps like a game of mcdonalds monoply?

This reminds me of that question of whether a glass is half empty or half full.

Now I know a few drinkers who would actually argue a half measure of drink is actually no good at all.

Sometimes I wonder if I am living a “half measure” life.

Should I be happy with my lot in life, the cards I have been dealt? Surely I should be more gracious when others are worse off?

I used to live my life feeling a failure, and to a degree there are elements where I still do, but the difference between success and failure is whether you pick yourself up and try again when your chips are down.

I appreciate there will be those that may disagree or whoose experience is different.

I used to despise the “have’s” as I was a “have not” however now I realise if I strive, if I work hard, if I want something enough I can get it.

Maybe just maybe… to quote a great british sitcom character.. “this time next year rodney, we will be millionnairres.”

Stay strong folks, never give up!

Pssst.. For what it’s worth, I believe we are all winners in our own way, some of us just don’t believe it yet.
“Even if everybody says it’s impossible, with determination, there is always something you can do. The last thing is to give up without trying
Bangambiki Habyarimana.

This a photo of a cafe I sometimes go to near me!  I think the words are great!

Life’s a beach!

I have come back from a vacation away and promised myself no work or no going on my  cell phone apart from to take pictures.

I thought it would be hard but I promised myself a rest and rest I did, swimming, walking, climbing and reading and even den building.

It was nice to enjoy the things I like to do without the constant battles that life throws.

I wish every day could be like this!

I want to afford what I want, without having to worry about the cost, and know how to do that!

I want what wealthy people have and why not?

I’d love to be financially free, escaping maybe that traditional job, the stresses and limits it can bring, instead work on my terms as I still need money.

I began dreaming about career, maybe several. Options are good right!

I need to have higher aspirations!  Focus and Perspective!

Today I imagined my office on the beach just sitting and watching the waves. Maybe I could sit and write to make money, maybe inspire and encourage others.

I pulled up a chair, (that chair, I took that photo) then I thought why not?

So I sat with coffee and began to write and dream.

I don’t know what your dreams are but I hope you get chance to live yours if you are not already. If not maybe NOW is your time!

It’s hard work, but honestly if i can do it, anyone can.

You don’t even have to walk in soneone elses footsteps, create your own…

Keep dreaming, and never give up on your dreams!

Amazing YOU!

“I can do something amazing today” Ginsters pasties

(thanks Ginsters pasties)

Do you believe that you can, and would you want to? Do you care?

This is my corner of insperation and positivity that I face every morning.

Every morning I look, yes look, for ways to do something or be amazing, it is great for mindset.

It means I’m looking for opportunities to make a difference whether it’s kind words or actions or “can do” attitude or helping someone.

I am a work in progress and at times it’s hard to be humble and bite my tongue with folks, when all I want to do is rage, especially when I am accused of something I did not do.

I’m reminded by an old school song.

“make me a channel of your peace”

Today, I hope I can be a person of peace and bring peace and comfort to someone who may be in need today.

What are you doing today? anything amazing?

Retreat or surrender?

So my hearts all a flutter and my mind breathes, as stillness and silence tease me away from work “people” situations, life.

I’m going to escape and retreat to a retreat centre all by myself.

Check this out.. It sounds lush.

Quiet waters….

I can imagine it now listening to the lull of gentle water lapping at the side, country side location miles away from my location away Away Away… Yay.

A quiet reflective rustic lunch and grounds to walk around, my own slice of spiritual escape pie served on a plate of serenity.

Things are happening, have happened and I feel like I just need to stop…. Get off the life wheel if only for a few hours.

Retreat is not the same as surrender far from it however in this occasion the two sit side by side like a married couple meant to be and I’m just going to surrender.

I’m surrendering to life, to the cosmos, the universe, karma, God I have no idea, but I know I can’t sustain and maintain where I am at.

Will I come back changed? – I’m hoping so.

Will I be renewed? – sounds scary.

Will I shed tears? More than likely.

This my friends, is my therapy before I implode or explode or both.

I am away for a week next week, so I doubt I will be on here. I aim to have a cell phone fast… No social media, no surveys, no work just time away in woods and swimming pool slides and feeding squirrels and just returning to nature and breathing. I doubt if it will be a holiday or a holy day but….. Perhaps I can gain breathing space and perspective or not.

As lent comes to a close, I look forward to easťer..

Perhaps a season for new life.

Love you all.